My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
