I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
