she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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