It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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