so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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