Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
