I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Be still, my beating vagina.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
