Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
