I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
