..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
