it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
