you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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