maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
