Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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