Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
