Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
