Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
