I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
