Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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