Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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