And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
