I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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