WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
