The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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