so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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