I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
