I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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