well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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