Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Panties = found
Randomize
