Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
