Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
