I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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