His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
