i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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