i don't like sucking hair
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
