Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
