How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
