he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
