WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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