is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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