I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
