isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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