I wanna bring you to show and tell
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
