Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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