Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
