i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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