Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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