She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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