I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
