I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
